I’ve lived with my boyfriend for over 8 months now. After saving and searching for the perfect home we’ve finally, moved out the comfort of his parents house, into our own little flat. It’s an equally exciting yet terrifying time as the realisation sinks in that ‘this is it’. I’ve been making a conscious log, of all those annoying things he does that make me love and hate him in equal measure. Many of which we aren’t pre-warned about when we first take the plunge. Here are just a few…
1) Perhaps the greatest myth of living with your boyfriend is: “You will have sex, all the time, everywhere.” This does not happen. Netflix, Gone Girl and Macadamia hair masks take priority in the evening.
2) You will scrimp and save to get that first months rent together: The first thing he will do when you move in is install Sky, with the Sky Sports package.
3) You will find him using your trusted Tangle Teaser to scratch his beard.
4) The top shelf of the fridge will always contain two crates of beers that he always “got on offer” at Sainsburys.
5) He will be come obsessed with unnecessary house gadgets; a multi-purpose Microwave and industrial strength super-turbo Vax vacuum cleaner have already turned up on my doorstep.
6) He will become equally obsessed with everything Groupon has to offer.
7) He will complain you always steal the duvet, yet he will always kick the duvet off his feet and in turn expose yours.
8) The second thing he will do after installing Sky is set up his Playstation, TV, DVD and Apple TV. He’s got his priorities sorted.
9) You will have evenings where everything about him annoys you, even his breathing, but you will miss him the minute he walks out the room.
10) He will do a ‘big shop’ yet fail to buy any fresh fruit or vegetables.
11) The day you actually get your keys you will immediately crave your girlfriends. Remember when you got the keys to your first place with your best girls and drank wine on the floor and installed fairy lights everywhere before moving any furniture in?
12) Yet you will realise you will never want to live with anyone else but him ever again.
13) The cushions you so carefully arrange on the sofa will always end up on the floor.
14) He will never EVER change an empty toilet roll.
15) The Nivea skin range you bought him to tackle his dry skin will gather dust at the back of the bathroom cupboard.
16) He will always answer your pleading calls and give you step-by-step instructions on how to watch Grey’s Anatomy on his Apple TV and never get frustrated.
17) You will often want to inflict serious pain on him and imagine creative ways of doing so.
18) You will catch him watching Mary Berry and Masterchef to learn tips on cooking you a delicious meal.
19) You will find you never have to empty the bin. Is there a man’s guide somewhere that tells them this is a right of passage?
20) Whenever he’s away you will sleep on his side of the bed.
21) He will move your precious trinkets off the shelf and replace them with his ridiculously large collection of Blu-rays.
22) He will absolutely have to have a footstool.
23) He will also claim the only chair in the house is his ‘man chair’.
24) Whilst you spend three hours organising your new wardrobe he will instead spend three minutes stuffing clothes into drawers before returning to installing gadgets.
25) Despite having a working oven and a fully stocked fridge you will spend the first night in your new flat eating pizza out of the box.
26) He will try to be romantic and buy a bottle of champagne to celebrate the move; you won’t tell him that it’s gone off.
27) Seven Jeremey Clarkson books will appear in your bathroom for ‘toliet reading’.
28) Do I need to point out that the toilet seat will always be up?
29) Like emptying the bin, he will see locking up as his role in the home.
30) He will cook delicious dinners and even offer to do the washing up, yet leave traces of food on the plates only for you do re-do it all.
31) You will look forward to nights on your own, spent in a dressing gown watching SATC and eating chocolate, but you will spend the entire evening texting him.
32) You will love him more and more every day.
33) You may buy slinky pyjamas from Boux Avenue, but you will sleep in one of his t-shirts every night instead.
34) You will forget that it’s unacceptable to pluck your facial mole hairs in front of him.
35) When he comes home all excited because he’s bought something lovely for your flat you may burst into tears and want to marry him right there and then.
36) He will say “leave it to me” whenever you receive a bill.
37) Thinking of future baby names will start to take up two hours of your day instead of one.
38) He will ask you how to turn the washing machine on.
39) You will realise that all of a sudden you have a boyfriend, best friend and flat mate all rolled into one.
40) You will wonder how you ever lived apart.