Earlier this week something very strange happened. After finding my ancient 1 GB Ipod in an old bag at the weekend, I felt compelled to fill my commute with the likes of Ne-yo, Pussycat Dolls and Westlife. It took me back, way back to when I was care free teen fretting over what to wear to Embrace nightclub on a Saturday night and whether or not I would get in with my older sister’s ID.
I didn’t expect to experience an epiphany; moreover I didn’t expect the lyrics of Tulisa from N-Dubz to spark it. In the midst of Dappy’s ‘na-na-naiis’ Tulisa, sang something that really struck a cord with me. ‘Trust me it will only get better” now, trust me, I would never trust the female boss. Her extra curriculum activities caught on camera and fashion choices say it all. But her lyrics hit me at a time when I can’t get over how much I miss my past. I know what’s causing it. For the last three years I spent my summers at an American children’s camp. It was the very best time of my life, but last summer I made a conscious decision not to return and was very happy with this choice up until the social media swarm of friends returning hit me. I realise I’ve spent the last month dwelling on the past and how much better it was. This realisation, of how much time I spend stuck in the past and not looking forward to the future is mind blowing, and a huge waste of time.
It got me thinking about all the wonderful experiences I’ve had in my life, and how at the time I never thought they could be topped. When I look back to that summer after my GCSEs I can remember how, at the time, it was the greatest time of my life. It was a completely care free and wonderful time. Equally, my three years at university were arguably the most fun and an experience where I learnt so much about myself. Then I look back on my last three summers in America where I met the love of my life and friends for life. It’s not up until now, unfortunately because of Tulisa’s wise lyrics, that I’ve realised that my life has just got better and better and will most probably continue to get better. All those memories that I look back on and smile, I really never thought they could never be topped, but they have. Every single one. It doesn’t even have to be those really memorable experiences. If I look back and think really hard, I remember when Craig David released ‘Born to do it’ I never ever thought a greater album could be released by a living man. (Please don’t judge me on my music tastes!) BTDI is still arguably one of the greatest albums of all time but Drake’s Take Care may have just overtaken old Craigy boy to the top of my favourite list. With all this exhausting reflection and looking back and comparing my life from now to then, I’ve just decided to trust that life will just get better and music will too!
I know many of you find life so exciting because you never know what’s going to happen. Unfortunately I’m not so spontaneous, I like to plan, be prepared and know what’s coming. I’m slowly starting to let go of this need for control and let my huge amount of hair down but guess I just feel safer looking back in the past because it’s already happened. Nostalgia plays such a huge part in my life, I’m constantly looking back and re-living favourite moments from my past, but I think it’s time to take a stand, look back and just smile rather than cry because I miss it all so much and look forward to the future and all it will bring.
I’m hoping Craig David gets his act together and releases a new chart topping hit.