If you’re a regular reader of my blog you’ll know that I haven’t posted in about a month. In the blogging world a month is kinda a long time. I’ve been meaning to write this for over a week now but I keep getting distracted by Teen Mom 2, pancakes and the joy of going to bed before 9pm with a hot water bottle.
But I’ve got an hour or two before Broadchurch so I thought I’d update you all on my blog and me. I’ve probably set this up as a negative post but it’s completely the opposite. I’m not 100% sure why I haven’t blogged in a while, there’s been no conscious decision on my part to take a break, I guess it just happened naturally on the back of me landing my dream job and completely investing all my time and energy into that. But it’s been two weeks now and I can’t use the excuse of me being mentally exhausted anymore.
I thought it might be beneficial for me, as ironic as this sounds, to blog about why I haven’t blogged in a while. Perhaps you and I will both discover why as I unfurl my thoughts down on paper.
I think one of the main reasons behind my break from blogging is that I’ve finally found a job that creatively fulfils me. Back in late 2013 when I really started to invest in this blog, I was unemployed and desperately unhappy. As someone who puts enormous pressure on themselves to succeed I found being unable to secure a job incredibly hard. I wrote blog posts like Success vs Happiness and Jealously whilst applying for jobs from 9-5 sat inside all day. I needed something to fulfil me and to creatively challenge me, and my blog did just that. It was also something I could identify with and be proud of. It was something to talk about when new meeting new people instead of being stuck on that hideous topic of unemployment whilst being met with understanding and sympathetic knowing looks. I also related with a lot of people during this time and found it therapeutic to know other twenty-somethings were finding life hard too. Now, over a year on, things have dramatically changed. I have a job working in PR for an animal welfare charity. If you know me, you couldn’t think of a more perfect job. Animals and writing, erm hello heaven! I’ve found a job that I would happily do for free (seriously) and every Sunday night I am excited about going to work on Monday. But my new job uses every creative cell in my body and by the time I get home I’m spent! So, although earlier this year I set myself ridiculous goals to post 3-4 times a week on my blog there’s just no way I can do this now, my creative hat is worn 9-5 at work and when I’m home, I like my feeding, spending time with loved ones and Scandal hats.
A second reason why I’ve taken a subconcious step back from blogging is because of what I actually write. Like I just said, a year ago I wrote content that was very much focused on the hardships of being in your twenties and a bit too much doom and gloom to be honest. But all this stuff I used to write, it was popular and it was what made my blog appeal to people. Right now, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I don’t know if it’s the fact I’m nearly 25, or because I’ve found professional successful but at the moment I am totally sure of myself and who I am. Yes of course I have down days and hours when I feel super anxious but overall I am completely content in my life. And this, well it doesn’t bode too well in the blogging world. I’m not a beauty blogger paid by PR’s to be super happy and bubbly. I don’t know what kind of blogger I am, all I know is nobody wants to sit and read about how happy I am. So I’m a bit stumped. I went through a one month phase writing about all the wonderful beauty products of the world but I now look back and realise how self-indulgent this all came across. Over the Christmas period I found uploads of insane amount of presents grotesque and completely self absorbed. I’ve discovered there is just no need to share your wealth with the social media award, no need at all. Maybe I need to find a new focus and yes there are things I want to talk about, but right now I much prefer talking to my friends, family and my boyfriend Joe about my life.
Continuing on from the above, one thing that seems to go hand-in-hand with the blogging world and something which I just don’t feel comfortable talking about online is mental health. Now before I go on, the first thing you should know is I do not suffer from a mental illness. I have to say that I think the term ‘mental illness’ is thrown around a little too loosely for my liking. It seems that anyone who has a bad day and treats people horribly for a good ol’ amount of time blame it on their mental health issues. I do however feel very anxious from time to time and it’s taken advice from professionals, my family and lots of research to learn how to manage it. Secondly I think bloggers who do talk about mental health are brilliant. They are engaging with audiences all over the world suffering with mental health and allowing them to find some solace and comfort. However for me, I just don’t feel comfortable discussing my anxiety with the world. I may have done in the past and I maybe I’ll find it useful in the future but right now it’s just not for me. I don’t want the responsibility of advising people on how to handle anxiety or people I sat next to in Chemistry in 2003 knowing all about my deeper and darker issues. I also don’t want to glamourise mental health by pretending that a bath with Jo Malone candles and a Terry’s Chocolate Orange solves a bout of anxiety.
As I get older I appreciate my privacy more and more and I’m just not prepared to share everything anymore. I like my privacy and sharing things with my actual friends before they read it on my blog. There’s nothing quite like snuggling up in a onesie with a cup of tea and speaking to my best friend Jordan on the phone for an hour. It beats writing a blog any way!
When I set myself up to write 3 blog posts each week at the start of 2015 I didn’t quite realise how exhausting it would be. I spent almost every night ignoring my boyfriend and blogging instead. I found it stressful and too overbearing. I stopped enjoying it to be honest and churned out posts that didn’t always sit well with me. I’ve become really comfortable in the art of doing nothing, something I’ve only just become okay with. I was always either doing something or if I was doing nothing I felt bad about not doing something. Now I am quite content coming home from work and completely relaxing, and I am so much healthier and happier because of this.
Lastly and perhaps most importantly I think I might just be a bit over the whole blogging world right now. Over Christmas I was obsessed with Vlogmas and gift ideas but now I’m just a bit bored of blogs and vlogs. Maybe it’s because so many people are blogging or maybe it’s because I overindulged, but I’m just a bit over it all. The same hilarious listicles, the same makeup reviews, the same bloggers interior picks (as much as I love Cacti and copper) it’s just all the same. I hope I start loving it all again. And I hope I start blogging again, just writing this has made me realise how much I love my little corner of the internet. So maybe it’s given me a little kick up the butt and I can start bringing my creative hat home with me instead of leaving it at work and continuing to blog.